Tell me what you want, what you really really want – for your children. Okay, sorry. That’s a throw back to the Spice Girls and what they were asking is far different from what I am. When we have children, or are pregnant, we genuinely say that what we want is for them to be healthy. After that, what else?
We may not want to admit it, but I would guess that if we could prevent the inevitable growing pains of well, growing up, we would. The emotional pains especially.
Physical hurts are tended, bandaged and healed; then we send them back into the world. Emotional pain, that’s another story. It is hard to balance out what to allow our kids to work through on their own and where we should step in and help. We all carry our own emotional marks of growing up, and sometimes we want to protect our children from the things that hurt us. Which hurts though?
The loss of a friendship, or of a poor mark despite best efforts? Of not making the team, or maybe making the team and not being the best? We would like them to experience first love, but not first love’s heart-break.
We want them to know how to make good decisions. Do they set good boundaries? Are they good winners? Are they good losers?
Hmm, so much to think about and so little time to develop it all.
The reality is, that once they are born, we are so taken up with active parenting, that we don’t give it a lot of thought.
It’s resilience that we’re talking about, because that’s what we really want, isn’t it? That our children are able to come back from whatever life hands out? [Read more…]